HOLD ONTO YOU

All of us at times lose our way in life. None of us exit the womb knowing all we need to know to become a happy, confident person. We must learn life’s difficult lessons on our own. Hopefully we are born to good parents, connect with positive mentors, find competent teachers and choose good friends. However, no matter what our circumstances when we drill down to the dry reality that is life all of us are on our own. Consequently, it is incumbent upon each of us to discover our own place in the world. Not to do this results in an unhappy life not lived to its full potential.Our personal identity needs to be tied to us-not to anyone or anything else. We must develop an internal confidence that does not need to be fed by others or by external events. In other words, don’t let ego be the driver. This internal confidence is our anchor against life’s many seas of unpredictability. Leaders must become comfortable with life’s natural randomness and the uncertainty it often engenders. Leaders without a strong self-worth are susceptible to costly errors in judgment, missed opportunities and giving inappropriate weight to the recommendations of others. They also tend to take more credit than is deserved for success and place more blame on others and outside events for failure. This is a prescription for sub-par performance and above average levels of frustration since the real problem often goes unaddressed.

Every one of us has moments of self-doubt and ambivalence-we are, after all, human. It is precisely at these times that a strong self-worth is critical. This does not require us to “know it all”. It does require that we have confidence in ourselves. Sometimes we have to dig a little deeper to find this self-confidence but it is there.

Attaching our feelings of personal success to other things is always a mistake. “Things” by their very nature are temporary. A feeling of personal success should always be with us-no matter what we are facing or how we have failed at a particular moment. Buying fine automobiles, huge homes and all the latest gadgets are great if kept in their proper context. However, each of these can be taken from us by events that are beyond our control so it is foolish to tie our identity to them. Enjoy them for what they are-not what we are. We are so much more than any of these things can ever represent.

There are many identity traps that we must guard against-tying our own identity too tightly to momentary successes or failures, to our company, even to our spouse. We should enjoy our successes and learn from our failures, be proud of our company, and love our spouse deeply. However, the only thing we really have with any permanence is our self-our own identity. We must hold onto this at all costs and continually develop and nurture it. It is a never-ending process.

Hold onto you. You will be a better spouse, employee, leader and most of all person.